There's a Limit to How Much You Should Like Yourself: Babies 36 and 37

Skye was the fussiest, most cranky baby I have ever raised. As the days went on, my mind got closer and closer to exploding. When I called to rant to Cassie, she was off playing footsies with Macy and I was stuck pulling my hair out. I'm fairly sure my friend Skye blocked my number since she was the one I complained to at first. My mom was constantly at work so she was out of the picture. Which, for her sake, I'm glad.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I called the babysitter and ran to Anna-Leigh's house. I hadn't seen her in a while and I was starting to feel bad. I rammed on the door, yelling "Anna-Leigh! Anna-Leigh! Let me come in!"
"Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!" she called back.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!"
It was quiet for a moment until both of us broke out into laughter almost simultaneously.

She let me in, still laughing. "So, how have you been?" she asked in between giggles.
As my laughter subsided, I replied, "Good. I'm assuming you read that newspaper article about my kids?"
"Yeah," she said, a crooked grin on her face. "Have you read the article about the new challenge father in town?"
I gaped. "There's an article about a challenge father for Paisley Parker?"
This got a burst of laughter from her. "No! Just read it!"

I was speechless. He actually assumes that just because we "sleep around" that we would want to with just anyone? They've got to be nice and not make a public mess out of it! Now people are going to assume that me and Skye are going to let him participate! "There is absolutely no way that I am going to let him be in my challenge! I don't want his dirty genes in my body! That's just gross!"
"I don't think you want to brush this guy off too quickly."
"Why?" I sighed. I just knew that whatever reason Anna brought up I would have to let him participate.

This was the most ridiculous website I had ever seen! And I had no idea that Calista, Hadley, Skye and I had fan clubs! And we'll be backstabbers if we don't accept? We'll be disowned? They'll stop following our challenges? And how come it was only fan clubs that commented? I am so freaking confused! I don't know if you can see it but in the purple text it says, "The knight in shining armor himself, Bobby McGuire." That alone just shows that he's a pretentious jerk! And honestly? How one man has made it a challenge to participate in 100, 100 baby challenges? Come on! This douchebag has no clue what is going on around him! He's probably in his own little world of Bobby and doesn't get out enough to see that he's just full of himself! And his website isn't even well made! I clicked on info and all that came up was a video of a bunch of girls fawning over him! That was exactly the same thing that came up when I clicked on biography. There is no way I am going to let his stupid, douchey genes enter my body! I have never used the word douche this many times in one paragraph! That just shows how much I hate him!

At that moment my phone rang. I was fuming but answered the phone anyway. "Hello," I hissed.
"Hello Miss Parker!" the voice said. "From the tone of your voice I assume you just saw the Bobby McGuire site and article. I'd like to interview you for the next article if that's alright. Since it was such a big hit we're going to send out another newspaper showing your response to this Bobby McGuire madness!"
"So you think it's stupid too, huh?" I asked.
"Of course! It's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!"
"Then yes. I would love to respond to it."

This is what comes out an hour later. About ten minutes after that, I get a call. It's Bobby McGuire. I answer the phone, prepared to shout, but what I'm greeted by softens my heart. Only a little bit.
It's sobs. Lots, and lots of sobs. I couldn't make out much but what I got from it is this, "And-- and you have ruined my life! You think that just because you're kind of famous you can walk all over people! It was just a joke! I don't actually think that much of myself!" Then more sobs.
"Fine!" I shouted. I knew he was just acting-- and trust me, he's a good actor-- but I never could take cries. Even if I knew they were fake.
I could just hear him grinning as he spoke. "Great. Be here tomorrow at four." And with that he hung up.

To take my mind off of it so I wouldn't murder every blue man in the world, I went home and aged up the kids. Jack is a playful little boy, and believe it or not, he still loves to kiss my cheeks before he goes to school or bed. He wants to be, in his words, "a submarine pirate" when he grows up. I can't help but giggle every time he says it.

Skye has grown out of her fussy stage. She's like her older brother; she never cries! Both of the kids currently living at home have my dad's and Chase's red hair. I find it funny. Although I can't help but feel a little mad that Skye didn't get any of her father's unique features. Who gave my dad permission to have such dominant hair?

I spent the most of the day teaching Skye her skills, trying to keep Bobby out of my mind. I just hate jerks like him. I couldn't help but fantasize when Skye E gets her hands on him. She's going to chop his head off and burn it, AND THEN feed his ashes to the wolves that I shall summon with my awesome summoning skills.

I was out of it most of the day. There were a lot of things I wanted to do in my lifetime, but have a child with Bobby McGuire was most definitely NOT one of them! I put a smile on my face for Skye but it wasn't genuine.

I read Skye to sleep at 8:45 and was asleep by nine. I figured the sooner I went to sleep the sooner I could get it over with with Bobby.
***************************************

Early the next morning I woke up Skye to get my mind off of the impending doom. "Mommy okay?" she asked as I hummed to her. "Wanme to swing to you?"
I chuckled. "Sure! I love your voice!"
She then proceeded to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" until I gave her her oatmeal and milk.

At 3:30 I headed out to Bobby's house. I was assuming it was going to be some disgusting man cave, but as I'm driving I realize something: this address seems familiar. I pulled of to the side of the road and looked at the post-it I had written on. Yes, this address was somewhere I visit often. The challenge father house.

I rang the doorbell, not looking forward to all the challenge fathers giving me dirty looks. When he opened the door I was surprised to see that he was alone. I pushed past him and went to his room. "Let's do this. Now," I demanded. We tried for the baby and I left in a hurry, not wanting to linger.

I went to bed at midnight that night, thinking about how bad it was going to suck to have that horrible person's genes in my body. The only thing that got me by was knowing that those genes were going to create a beautiful little baby. Hopefully.

In the morning I got dressed up in a cute maternity dress. Skye was going to introduce me to the mystery man.  She kept going on and on about how amazing this person is. She was really starting to get my hopes up. I knew I shouldn't let them be up, but I couldn't help it. If Skye could truly give me someone that I could possibly fall in love with, it's not possible for my hopes to be down.

After waiting for a while for Skye to call me with the information, well, she does. "Meet me and him at the bistro at six. He's really looking forward to meeting you." And with that she hung up. Why won't she just tell me who he is?
While I was waiting at the bistro I felt the first kicks of my baby. Dang. My child couldn't have waited another day to make an appearance?

Then Skye showed up with the mystery man at about 8. Jerk. But man this dude was hot!

Skye walked over to me. "Sorry P, it took me two hours to get him out of the house. He was worried you weren't going to like him."
"You could've called."
"Yes I could've but my test worked."
"What test?"
"The test to see how much you want to meet him. This is my son, Jesse Everard."
My mouth dropped open. Thoughts swirled around in my head. SON? If I were to marry this man someday Skye would be my MOTHER-IN-LAW! My best friend would be my mother-in-law! Eh, he's cute, why not?

Skye left us alone and we got some dinner. "So," he started. He was clearly shy. "Your name is Paisley?"
I nodded.
"That's a beautiful name," he continued. "I really like it. How's your food?" Aw, bless his heart, he's nervous!
"Thanks. My food's good. How's yours?"
"Good."
Okay, that wasn't going too well. That is until we finished eating.

We stood up and he grabbed my hands. "I had a really nice time talking to you," he said sweetly, his beautiful eyes not leaving mine. "Can I take you somewhere for a while? I think you'll really like it."
I smiled. "Of course! It sounds nice!"
I wasn't planning on telling him I was pregnant. He knew I was doing the challenge but I still didn't want to make him feel awkward.

He took me to this secluded little area on the outskirts of town. Is he going to kill me? I thought, slightly jokingly...
It was quiet and very peaceful. He sat down and pulled me with him.

After that he kept whispering things to me. It was nice. "You're beautiful," he said, watching me, eyes glowing. "I'm really glad my mom introduced you to me. I really like you. I hope this doesn't sound forward of me but I can see this relationship going somewhere in the future."
I grinned. "Me too. I like you a lot."
He smiled wide. "Shall I take you home?"
My grin turned into a slight frown. "No!" I burst out. "I mean... I don't want to go home, but I guess I probably should. It's 2 AM"
He stood, a smile still on his face. "Can I come with you?"

Without replying we got in the car and headed to my house. Skye was there watching the kids. Should I leave? she mouthed.
I shook my head and mouthed I need you to watch the kids. 

We walked over to the fire place and Jesse lit it. Ooh. Fire! Romantic! I thought as he pulled me onto the couch.
We sat there for only a few minutes until he leaned in and put his soft lips onto mine. We closed our eyes and kissed for what seemed like forever, neither of us opening our eyes until it was over.

After that we made our way to the bed, kissing as we walked. He slipped off my dress and we fell onto the bed, not taking our eyes off each other. No more words were said that night. Only kissing.

In the morning we sat there on my bed. I snuggled with him as I forced myself awake. When I opened my eyes he was looking at me, smiling. "You're amazing," he said quietly.
I grinned. "So are you. Would you like some pancakes?"
"Very much so," he replied, slipping his shirt on as he sat on the edge of the bed.

I got up and looked down. Damn, I thought. I have a baby bump. He walked over to me and kissed me, clearly not caring.

As I was making pancakes Jesse snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "Hey," he said simply. "You make great smelling pancakes."
"Whoever made your cologne makes a great smelling you," I replied, hoping I didn't sound stupid.
He chuckled in reply.
After we ate he kissed me goodbye. "See you soon," he called as he got in his car with Skye and drove away.

I was then in the "waddle" stage of my pregnancy. And man was it annoying. I felt much bigger than I actually was.

I was in such a blissful mood that I went onto my balcony and played the guitar, humming along to the song. I eventually started playing "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat. And you know what? I sang to it. I was scared to sing because I was made fun of severely when I was younger for performing in the talent show, but everyone has always told me I have an amazing singing voice. I never thought it was too bad but that one kid that teased me did and it was a terrifying thought. So this was the first time in years that I sang along to my guitar.

Skye came out and listened to me play. "Me like song, mommy," she giggled as she played with her doll.
I smiled as I sang. Maybe this will be something I do more often?

After I played for a few hours, I came back into reality and watched the sun set. And boy was it amazing. I got a text from Jesse that made me grin like an idiot: Hey Pais. U watchin the sunset? Isn't it pretty?
So my love interest was watching the sunset at the same time as me? That's sort of romantic in a cheesy, mushy way.

I was getting very, very big. Perhaps twins?

Well, clearly the reason why I was getting so big is because I was about ready to have my baby. While I was playing the drums I went into labor! I didn't want to go to the hospital because they would call Bobby.

Welcome to the world, Hadlee Parker!

And her twin sister, Amber Parker! I was right! TWINS!

Okay, clearly Hadlee is named after Hadley Reed and Amber is named after Amber Lights. I hope you enjoyed that post! 

Peace and Simplicity: Baby 35

Please ignore the sudden outfit changes... I forgot to change her clothes before I started this post.

Jack was a little sweet heart. He never cried and never fussed. He was a perfect little angel that loved to kiss my cheeks.

I went downstairs and looked around my home and realized something; my kids were gone. Skye had built me a house so in the process of moving it had been a little hectic, but I didn't remember letting them all go out.

I scooted onto the floor and thought for a second. Then I remembered. I didn't let them go out. I aged them up. Yes, that's right! I got extremely drunk and made all my kids age up into young adults. Hm...

It took me a moment to realize what had happened. All of a sudden I started to freak out. "OHMYGOSH! MY KIDS ARE GONE!" I screamed. I called the babysitter as I ran out the door to Skye's house.

When I got there, I rang the doorbell frantically, at least thirty times. "Alright, alright," Skye said, irritated. She rubbed her eyes as she walked down the stairs. I had clearly just woken her up. 

She opened the door and admitted me. "What the crap is wrong with you? I was sleeping! It's 7:30 in the morning!" When I said nothing she rolled her eyes and sighed. "What do you want?" she demanded. 

I decided to explain it to her quickly. "IGOTSUPERDRUNKANDAGEDALLOFMYKIDSUPTOYOUNGADULTS!"
She took a step back, astounded. "Whoa," she stated simply and sighed. "That sucks, P, but you can't undo what has been done."
She understood that? I thought as she grabbed a piece of paper from underneath a stack of books.
"I think you need to see this," she said as she handed it to me. It was a newspaper clipping.

My mouth dropped open. "That... that means that... that," I stuttered.
"That?" Skye pried, probably sick of me in her home.
"That Quincy and Serin and little Shawny are all gone!"
"Little... little Shawny?" Skye asked, trying her hardest not to laugh.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "I can't believe none of them told me! I am their mother, did they think raising them is easy? That it's just a piece of cake? 'Cause it's NOT!"
She rolled her eyes as she sat me down in front of the computer.

 "I think you need to see this."
"I think you need to stop saying that!" I exclaimed, very irritable.
She pulled up my email. How in the crap does she know my email password?
"How many kids did you have living out of the house before Jackson?" she asked calmly.
I thought about it for a minute. "29 I think."
"And how many emails do you have?"
Welcome Paisley Parker! 29 unread messages!
"...29..."
"See? They did tell you!"
"WHO EMAILS THEIR MOTHER!? THEY SHOULD KNOW THAT I DON'T EVEN READ MY EMAIL!"
"PAISLEY! SHUT UP OR I'M GOING TO GO INSANE!"
"What is going on down there?" I heard a voice call. It must've been one of Skye's kids.
"Sorry hon, Paisley and I are just having a nice, meaningful conversation. Go back to whatever you were doing!" Skye called up the stairs. "So, even though it wasn't the best idea to email you, at least they told you," she said, coming back over to me.

I got up and walked over to the nearest open space and plopped down, propping myself on her wall. The thud must have gotten Skye's attention. "That sounded like it hurt," she said, walking over to me.
I sighed. "It did."
"P, don't do this to yourself. What's done is done and there's nothing you can do about it."
I didn't hear her. "I didn't even get to know Tate and Calista, barely Matthew and I never got the chance to see if Jackson changed."
"I know all these things, Pais. Tate and Calista are still best friends, they live in Riverview, Washington. Matthew is trying to become a musician and he lives in Bridgeport, New York. Jackson is still evil and 50 pounds overweight from stealing kids' candy all the time. He lives in Shang Simla, China."

I sighed and positioned myself in a comfier spot. "I feel like such a terrible mother. I shouldn't have been drunk in the first place. What kind of person am I? A horrible one," I said, blocking out whatever Skye was rambling on about.
"PAISLEY!" her scream cut me out of my trance.
"Huh? What?"
"You have to stop blaming yourself for this," she repeated. "This isn't your fault. You didn't know what you were doing. Now please, for the love, get out of my house and do something productive with your day."

"Are you going to do something productive with your day?" I asked, rolling over and closing my eyes.
"Of course!"
"What are you going to be doing?"
"Watching Sherlock Holmes 2, obviously."
"Haven't you seen that like fifty times?"
"Yes, but what will fifty-one do to me? Now leave," she said, ushering me out the front door.

"Hey! Wait!" I exclaimed as she slammed the door in my face. "Is this necessary?"
When she didn't reply I slugged my way down the streets, not sure what I was doing. After about ten minutes of wandering aimlessly, I overheard some people talking.
"Did you hear about this guy? He is light green and he's got bright pink hair! Isn't that insane? I bet Paisley Parker would go nuts over him as a father for her next baby!"
"Yes, but what color of eyes does he have?"
"Bright orange! And his name is Carlos Baba!"
I walked to the phone book on the pay phone and looked him up. This thing always seems to be updated. I got his address and headed to his house.

When I got there, I was surprised to see that those people talking were right on. He had bright pink hair, light green skin and bright orange eyes. He was perfect for this baby challenge!

After we finished I went home and took care of Jack before slipping into bed. "Night baby," I said as I gently set him in his crib. "Tomorrow is a big day. You get to become a toddler!"
I quietly closed the door and walked into my room, perfectly happy.
***************************************
The next morning I set out Jack's homemade cake and went upstairs to grab him. When I told him it was his birthday he clapped his hands and giggled. I couldn't help but smile. He was going to be a very fun little toddler, wasn't he?

Jack grew up to be a fun little boy! He still loved kissing my cheeks and he was always giggling and clapping! It was a strange feeling to have a child all to myself. I hadn't felt that since baby 1, Quincy.

I spent most of my day teaching Jack his skills and taking in our short time alone together. At that moment I didn't feel like a challenge mom, just raising my kids until they're old enough to take care of themselves. I felt like I was actually his mother and we were a normal family. It was a good feeling and I didn't want it to end. But I knew it had to, so to feel better I kept telling myself that someday after the challenge I would be able to settle down and raise my kids like a normal person. Until then I guess I'll just have to take in moments like these, right?

I was extremely happy all day long. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing. Everything that happened to me recently, like breaking Jack's heart and Cassie getting married without telling me, just seemed like they never happened.
I was actually kind of grateful that all my kids moved. It gave me a chance to start over and realize that my kids won't be around forever.

When bedtime came around I read Jack to sleep happily, excited for this next baby to come.

 In the morning I tickled him awake and fed him his baby food and milk. "Mommy loves you," I said happily as I let him out of his highchair. "You are the sweetest little boy in the whole, wide world!"

 While he played with his toy horse I went about my daily chores. "Horsey wuvs to bweak dance!" I heard him exclaim as I cleaned up his room. "Bum bum bum bum!"
It was so funny to hear him make music for the horse to dance to.

 As the last night of my pregnancy came, I slipped Jack into his crib and kissed his forehead. "No mommy! Don't go!" he said sleepily.
"It's okay, honey, I'll be back in the morning and we can play together all day long," I promised as I closed the door to his room.

The next morning I made waffles. I forgot how much easier and simpler life was without a bunch of kids running around the house. In fact, it was so quiet I could hear the birds chirping. The baby kicked as I poured the milk and I got to wondering: Do I really want to continue this challenge? After this baby is born my life is going to get very hectic.
What should I do?

 As I was feeding Jack I went into labor.

 To get some fresh air and sunlight, I stepped onto the back porch and watched the ocean.

And soon baby 35, Skye Parker came out!

Just to clarify, I am not actually planning on stopping this challenge. It's just Paisley's thought. I hope you enjoyed this post!